Copyright © G5; 23/9/2015; All Rights Reserved.
All right it’s out: Malcolm will be constructing a pyramid for himself, the envy of Khufu.
Now that he can sign off on behalf of the people of Australia, it will all come together faster. But then it will be a double because: Lady Lucille, Princess of Point Piper, Baroness of Wentworth, and Consort to Pharaoh Malcolmus Maximus The First, would not approve otherwise.
He wants it in Wentworth in appreciation to those who allowed it all to come together. The former electorate of Wentworth to be renamed Collosus Retardus.
He plans to demolish: The Sydney Opera House, Sydney University Quadrangle, The Gallery of NSW, the support columns of The Sydney Harbour Bridge, and have marble cut from the original quarry at Carrara in Italy.
He was refused permission to relocate St. Peter’s. Don’t be surprised if MT declares war on The Vatican. He also wanted the contents of The British Museum sprinkled around the monument, as a reminder of the coming together of all the world’s civilisation and history.
Now that Australia has knighthoods, the next logical stages are: KCH (Knight Commander of The Order of Howard), then hereditary peerages and life honours. So MT will become Malcolm Bligh Turnbull, The First Earl Turnbull of Wentworth. Pending Malcolmus bestowing his own empirical honours. We anticipate a self-crowning as Bonaparte, on the front lawns of Parliament House in the near future.
He wants his pyramid opposite Centennial Park so as to have the parklands infront, and Oxford Street for people to be able to pay homage as they file past.
He will be clearing Parliament House; no longer necessary, to become his personal residence. The House of Representatives Chamber to be converted to his personal bed chamber and his new personal office will be the converted Senate Chamber.
All surrounding lands in Wentworth will be resumed by emergency order concerning terrorism and climate change. After demolition, he will be able to construct a low cost housing estate, out of view, down at Double Bay. Where the residents will be able t: bathe, wash their clothes, fish, keep free range non flatulent chickens and grow vegetables. The residents of Wentworth being garateful for the government assistance after they blinked and realised they were terminally soaked by the new initiatives, and forward thinking policies and agendas of MT’s new administration. Which will be transferred to the new office complex of Goldmans Canberra.
It all to be graciously explained to the residents of Wentworth by cartoons in ‘The Wentworth Courier’ and the free colouring book that will be an addition to that particular issue. Any residents still not able to comprehend the real world, and not on heavy psychotropics or hallucinogens, beyond Ideological Paradigm Illusions, will be able to attend, play schools; face painting, plasticine and colouring classes; green, non destructive, multicultural, non discriminatory, cottage industry seminars (sandal making, pottery, weaving); and group therapy, team bonding, couselling and closure workshops, organised weekly on the lawns of the former Vaucluse House.
Weekly award winners will receive a voucher for a; skinny decaf, half shot, low GI, soy latte, cappucchino; with a low GI, gluten free, vegan, organic, non sweetener, non carbo, non preservative, non artificial coloured, non artificial flavoured, non enhanced, non angthropogenic or climate threatening, non fat, certified, cupcake.
Due to the new, Work for Middle Class Enslaved and Equal Opportunity Initiatves,; of First Australian Dynasty Pharaoh Malcolmus Maximus The First, the newly formed, Wentworthian Peasant Collectives, will be given preference to act as rock haulers and construction slaves for the new monument. Masons will be re-employed and Jesuits will maintain sanctity.
G5 is a new contributor to Gumshoe. Please note that any views, opinions or satirical commentary expressed by this author are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Gumshoe News or the editor.