Home Satire Malcolmus Maximus to Rival Khufu

Malcolmus Maximus to Rival Khufu


malcolm 2

By G5

Copyright © G5; 23/9/2015; All Rights Reserved.


All right it’s out: Malcolm will be constructing a pyramid for himself, the envy of Khufu.

Now that he can sign off on behalf of the people of Australia, it will all come together faster. But then it will be a double because: Lady Lucille, Princess of Point Piper, Baroness of Wentworth, and Consort to Pharaoh Malcolmus Maximus The First, would not approve otherwise.

He wants it in Wentworth in appreciation to those who allowed it all to come together. The former electorate of Wentworth to be renamed Collosus Retardus.

He plans to demolish: The Sydney Opera House, Sydney University Quadrangle, The Gallery of NSW, the support columns of The Sydney Harbour Bridge, and have marble cut from the original quarry at Carrara in Italy.

He was refused permission to relocate St. Peter’s. Don’t be surprised if MT declares war on The Vatican. He also wanted the contents of The British Museum sprinkled around the monument, as a reminder of the coming together of all the world’s civilisation and history.

Now that Australia has knighthoods, the next logical stages are: KCH (Knight Commander of The Order of Howard), then hereditary peerages and life honours. So MT will become Malcolm Bligh Turnbull, The First Earl Turnbull of Wentworth. Pending Malcolmus bestowing his own empirical honours. We anticipate a self-crowning as Bonaparte, on the front lawns of Parliament House in the near future.

He wants his pyramid opposite Centennial Park so as to have the parklands infront, and Oxford Street for people to be able to pay homage as they file past.

He will be clearing Parliament House; no longer necessary, to become his personal residence. The House of Representatives Chamber to be converted to his personal bed chamber and his new personal office will be the converted Senate Chamber.

All surrounding lands in Wentworth will be resumed by emergency order concerning terrorism and climate change. After demolition, he will be able to construct a low cost housing estate, out of view, down at Double Bay. Where the residents will be able t: bathe, wash their clothes, fish, keep free range non flatulent chickens and grow vegetables. The residents of Wentworth being garateful for the government assistance after they blinked and realised they were terminally soaked by the new initiatives, and forward thinking policies and agendas of MT’s new administration. Which will be transferred to the new office complex of Goldmans Canberra.

It all to be graciously explained to the residents of Wentworth by cartoons in ‘The Wentworth Courier’ and the free colouring book that will be an addition to that particular issue. Any residents still not able to comprehend the real world, and not on heavy psychotropics or hallucinogens, beyond Ideological Paradigm Illusions, will be able to attend, play schools; face painting, plasticine and colouring classes; green, non destructive, multicultural, non discriminatory, cottage industry seminars (sandal making, pottery, weaving); and group therapy, team bonding, couselling and closure workshops, organised weekly on the lawns of the former Vaucluse House.

Weekly award winners will receive a voucher for a; skinny decaf, half shot, low GI, soy latte, cappucchino; with a low GI, gluten free, vegan, organic, non sweetener, non carbo, non preservative, non artificial coloured, non artificial flavoured, non enhanced, non angthropogenic or climate threatening, non fat, certified, cupcake.

Due to the new, Work for Middle Class Enslaved and Equal Opportunity Initiatves,; of First Australian Dynasty Pharaoh Malcolmus Maximus The First, the newly formed, Wentworthian Peasant Collectives, will be given preference to act as rock haulers and construction slaves for the new monument. Masons will be re-employed and Jesuits will maintain sanctity.


G5 is a new contributor to Gumshoe. Please note that any views, opinions or satirical commentary expressed by this author are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of Gumshoe News or the editor. 


      • Dear G5,
        Thank for this article. I had to read it three times before I really got it. And now that I’ve got it I’m sorry I’ve got it – it is so sad and frightening.
        But on a positive note: Isn’t it better that King Malky represent Goldman Sachs openly, wearing a crown and ermine robe, instead of being disguised as an earnest Front Bencher?

        When Bush Junior sat in the White House, claiming to be The Decider, the power behind ALL decisions was actually Alan Greenspan, wearing the rather modest badge “Chairman of the Federal Reserve.”
        (That’s what Labor Secretary Robert Reich claims persuasively in his book “Locked in the Cabinet.”)
        ‘Transparency’-wise It would have been better if Greenspan had been prexie, while simultaneously being Chairman of the Fed.

        Wow. There’s a thought! The feds and the Fed. Officially united.
        Golly, we’re getting closer to reality every day here at GumshoeNews.

    • Edard Rowland Sill, The Fool’s Prayer:

      … Earth bears no balsam for mistakes;
      Men crown the knave, and scourge the tool
      That did his will; but Thou, O Lord,
      Be merciful to me, a fool!”

      The room was hushed; in silence rose
      The King, and sought his gardens cool,
      And walked apart, and murmured low,
      “Be merciful to me, a fool!”

      Go Malky! Go Remorse! Go wisdom! Go leadership!
      Hello? Leadership? Hello?

  1. G5 ,
    well written . If only it was satire and not true .
    For the majority , Australian property is Australian poverty ….. the banksters crime of the centuries.

    This morning , drove past a construction site , new immigrants assembling stick sheds that will be sold as million dollar plus housing . Seriously folks , in Bangla Desh they build better and more solid structures .With interest over thirty years , that’s $2.5 million for a shed that cost 100 to 200k to build .

    The sheeple have been fleeced and the wool has stopped growing on Australia’s back .
    That’s why most of our “leaders” have that stupid grin of arrogance .

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