Home Satire The “Draining The Swamp” Letters

The “Draining The Swamp” Letters



With Donald Trump’s references about “draining the swamp” in Washington, these letters were exchanged a few days ago.

20 October, 2016

Dear Sir,

I have a LARGE property up north and would like to take your advisement as to a matter most urgent.

In the north west corner of the property, alongside the stream and near the chicken coop — a large deep swamp has developed. Over time it has become putrid and contaminated with weeds, and as a result the whole area is now polluted.

We have in the past tried to remedy the situation. In 1963, farm manager John had tried to clear the swamp, but died prematurely in a duck shooting incident.

The stench of decay has steadily worsened since 2001, and sadly, the value of the property has declined dramatically.

We pray that you might have a solution.


Erica Ussay

The Reply — a few days later.

25 October 2016

Dear Ms Ussay,

I thank you for your letter.

We have discussed you problem in length and believe there is only one solution: DRAIN THE SWAMP.

There are several methods we would hope to use to achieve this:

The Super Suction Ejector is a machine that sucks out and compacts the slime.

The Cesspoolator is then used to scoop the toxic scum off the surface of the swamp.

Certain weed species should be eliminated completely.

It is also important to prevent the dirty swamp water from seeping back into the trough. Special 5 year barricades are required to keep the fresh water from re-contamination.

After inspection, it may be deemed neccesary to dredge the entire swamp and replace ALL vegetation.

Please let me know whether you require my services soon, as I might be otherwise occupied after the 8th of November.


DT @ Associates

(DISCLAIMER: We make no guarantees to being successful in draining the swamp if we are contracted. There are many factors such as the depth and levels of contamination — and it may, at first, be difficult to determine poisonous species against life-giving varieties. It will take many years to restore balance.

WARNING: If the toxic swamp is not drained successfully, you may have to abandon the property.)


—by Dee McLachlan




    • If the contamination is drained, new species can flourish. Absolutely. Oz suffers from a swamp problem.

      This in Wikipedia for ANDREW ROBB
      “In October, 2016, it was announced that Robb has been appointed an “economic consultant” to Chinese company Landbridge Group, continuing a proud tradition of Australian conservative politicians plunging their snouts in the trough for the purposes of personal enrichment at the expense of the Australian voter. Landbridge were recently the successful bidders for the multi-million Port of Darwin lease.”
      (see screen-grab below)

      • Kevin, are you answering Dee’s Question, “Who is Trump working for?” Are you saying the image of the goat on top of our Partliament House is indicative of Illuminati control? I think it is obvious that Canberra works for the Big Bosses (whether or not it be called Illuminati– it probably is the 18th century’s illuminati).

        And it’s not just the pollies, it is members of the professions and virtually all of academia. How did this quiet takeover of minds occur? I have no idea, but I see clear examples of it.

        As my small contribution to the discussion I tender that the persons in academia who got took-over did not do it for money or by intimidation, but have been got at mentally without their awareness of it. I am 98% certain of this.

        • With academia I would say you could be right Mary. But I would say prestige of positions of INSTITUTIONAL regard, power, doctorates, etc also play a big part. It adds worth to the ego. Everyone wants to feel that we are of value.

  1. Ah, the Revolving Door. Wikipedia NAILS IT!!
    So does Wikileaks.

    Didn’t this pr.ck just sign TPP on our behalf?

    So this article was very droll. And who the hell is DT? (sarc)

  2. I had to laugh as I was reading the above letters as I could the parody immediately. I presume our readers are familiar with the fact that the following creepy crawlies live in wetlands, slime, piranahs, snakes and other parasites. Another name for a certain profession?

    • So who were those who did not enable some common sense communication and discussion with a ‘disturbed’ threat and the prime minister of Australia?
      Who are they Mr. Coroner?
      Oh, sorry, Ray Hadley was on the job!

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