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Leaked! Dan’s Secret Meeting in Beijing

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Dan pic was sourced from Dan’s twitter account

By Kim Skeltys (copyright, 2023)

Gumshoe News has obtained a leaked recording of Dan Andrew’s confidential meeting with a high-ranking Chinese communist party official, during the premier’s recent trip to Beijing.

Below is the transcript of Dan’s extraordinary conversation with an official whose identity has not been revealed, but shall be referred to simply as Chairman X.

Chairman X: Welcome again to People’s Republic of China, on your seventh visit comrade Dan! Or should I call you, Stairman Dan? Ha ha ha!

Dan: Honoured to see you again, Chairman X, but with respect, I’d rather you didn’t call me “Stairman Dan” as that joke is wearing a bit thin back in Victoria.

Chairman X: As you wish, comrade. But I very glad you have fully recovered from your stumble down dangerous stairs at holiday house.

Dan. Um, not stairs, just two steps actually.

Chairman X: Ah yes, I have seen photo in Herald Sun. Those steps look so perilous! But as headline in Beijing newspaper said at time, “One small step for man, one big fall for Dan’s kind!” Ha ha ha!

Dan: I am glad you find it so amusing Chairman, but could we…

Chairman X: I was going to ask, “how was your trip?”  but perhaps embarrassing question? Ha ha ha!

Dan: If you don’t mind Chairman, can we just skip the puns and pleasantries and get down to business?

Chairman X: Most certainly comrade Dan! Have you perhaps come to ask advice how to crush democratic dissent on your streets once again? Those troublesome anti-lockdown protestors! So sorry I had to decline your 2020 request for Chinese tanks to back up your paramilitary.

Dan: Correction honourable chairman, they weren’t paramilitary, they were police officers.

Chairman X: Well, you could have fooled me, sunshine! In China we call them “Dan’s Army” ha ha! Watching them fire bullets at fleeing protestors at Shrine of Remembrance, I so glad you followed my advice, it brought back fond memories of Tiananmen Square….ah, those were the days!

Dan: Actually they were rubber bullets – and though your advice at the time was much appreciated, Chairman, I regret to say I was unable to fully implement it as Australian law actually forbids the use of live ammunition on protestors. But what I’m really worried about this time is a corruption scandal back home…

Chairman X: Ah, so you want my advice how to rid Victoria of rotten stench of government corruption?

Dan: No, I want your advice how to rid Victoria of the anti-corruption commission. Those bastards are after me! The findings of that bloody IBAC report have been leaked and apparently, they’re damning for my government.

Chairman X: Tsk tsk, you are complete ning nong Dan! First rule of dictator – always make sure anti-corruption commission stacked with corrupt commissioners. Too late now though, so what you do?

Dan: Well, as you know, I’ve always been a great fan of Blackadder, both the show and the villain.

Chairman X: Ah yes, classic British comedy series starring inimitable Rowan Atkinson!  You showed me some episodes on your last visit, I shit myself laughing!

Dan: Yes, Blackadder is such a wonderful character and consummate politician – devious, crafty, and Machiavellian! – I would love to play him if the series was revived, though some say Justin Trudeau would be the favourite….

Chairman X: You be marvellous in role, Dan! Trudeau’s only acting experience was putting on “blackface” at costume party, Justin just failed Black and White Minstrel!

Dan: Thank you for the compliment, Chairman. But as for those insolent upstarts at IBAC, I think I know how to thwart their intentions, for I have – to borrow a line from Blackadder – devised a cunning plan! He he he!

Chairman X: Aha! A cunning plan! Please tell me, what is Dan’s cunning plan?

Dan: Well, my cunning plan, which I think is brilliant, if I may say so myself, not to mention extremely cunning, is when the IBAC findings are publically released, I will completely and arrogantly dismiss them as – wait for it –  “just an educational report”!!

Chairman X: Excuse me, I think my hearing not so good anymore. I actually thought you said, you will dismiss corruption findings as “an educational report”?

Dan: Yes, that’s right Chairman, just an educational report! and I’m sure the press will buy that, and the public too, and I’ll be off the hook! So, what do you think of my cunning plan? Devilishly clever, what?

Chairman X: Um, may I quote Blackadder’s advice to dimwit offsider Baldrick, which I copied to laptop?

Dan: Er, sure…

Chairman X: One moment –ah here is. I often read out at party meetings, in Chinese of course. Always one numbskull at meeting, call him “Baldrick”:

 “Baldrick, if that is your cunning plan, it must be one of the most hare-brained, inane confabulations ever to ooze forth from your puny pimple of a pipsqueak’s brain that I have ever had the wretched misfortune to encounter! “

“And may I say Baldrick, it has about as much chance of succeeding as a chipmunk trying to copulate with an elephant.”

Dan: Um, does that translate well into Mandarin?

Chairman X: Dan, let me be frank, if that your plan, I strongly advise you have Plan B, preferably one that not involve pistol and underground bunker.

Dan: Actually, I was coming to that, Chairman. My other worry is the slogan we repeated 3 million times – “the vax is safe and effective” – is not working so well anymore…

Chairman X: What, don’t tell me some people finally start to question slogan?

Dan: Yes, some citizens who got covid 5 times after getting the jab are actually beginning to ask what “effective” means, believe it or not, and others who ended up in a wheelchair from the shot have the sneaking suspicion the vax might not really be “safe”.

Chairman X: This very bad sign for dictator, Dan, when people abandon slogan for logic.

Dan: Yes very bad. I just can’t understand it! Even the tranquillisers I put in the public water supply must be wearing off.

Chairman X: Oh, you mean fluoride? We ban fluoride in China back in 80’s, our scientists discover it lower IQ, but China very happy export shitload to Australia and the US ha ha!

Dan: Chairman, not to beat about the bush any further, as I’ve been a loyal friend of China for so long, to an almost grovelling degree in fact, I was wondering, just in case the shit really hits the proverbial fan, if I might humbly request…

Chairman X: Political asylum in China?

Dan: Why, that’s right! But how did you know?

Chairman X: Remember iPhone we give you as souvenir on your last visit?

Dan: Of course that was so kind of you! I even had a pic taken of me using it in Tiananmen Square. Hang on, you don’t mean…?

Chairman X: Don’t worry Dan, your secrets safe with me, and CCP intelligence services. I shall put all arrangements in place for your new glorious life in China. We can even organise plastic surgery for new Chinese identity, new passport and new name – how does “Dan Xiao Ping” sound?

Dan: Gosh, I am flattered and honoured, Chairman!

Chairman X: And when day comes, to which Victorian beach should we send submarine?

Dan: Er, submarine?

Chairman X:  Yes, maybe same beach as your former Prime Minister Harold Holt, where go swimming one day in 1967 and never return?

Dan: That was Portsea. Wait a minute!  You don’t mean that old rumour was true and Holt really was kidnapped by a Chinese submarine?!

Chairman X: Ha! Just silly conspiracy theory, Dan!

Dan: You mean, like the Wuhan lab leak was a silly conspiracy theory?

Chairman X: Exactly, Dan! Like old Aussie friend Harold used to say to party comrades, during frequent Beijing pub crawl while pissed as newt, “Too right mate! Too bloody right!” Ah, Harold loved China, after 6 months in reeducation camp, and I sure you will too comrade Dan!

Dan: I can’t thank you enough, chairman! I’ll start packing as soon as I get home, and start those Mandarin lessons with Kevin Rudd, though he charges a fair bit…

Chairman X: And now, as special treat to celebrate, I have organised thrilling dance performance for you Dan: Chinese gala “Dragons in Drag Show” starring  China queen of S&M, “Mistress Belt and Roads” ha ha!  If you lucky, mistress might even use belt on you!

Dan: I’ve always been one lucky ducky, chairman!

Sound of loud music in background drowns out rest of conversation, as drag queen starts singing Shirley Bassey song: “Hey big spender…”:

“The minute you walked in the joint”

Orchestra: Boom BOOM!

“I could see you were a man of distinction”

“A real big spender!”

“Good looking”

“So refined”

“Wouldn’t you like to know what’s going on in my mind?”

“So let me get right to the point”

Orchestra: Boom BOOM!

“I don’t pop my cork for every man I see”

“Hey big spender, hey big spender!”

“Spend a little time with me…”

Orchestra: Dum dum da da da DUM!

Male voice: Oh baby, you can lock me down any time!

Dum dum da da da DUM!

Male voice: Ouch! Yes beat me harder mama! I’ve been a very naughty boy…

Recording ends at this point.

 

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15 COMMENTS

    • Yes we are massively over-governed by people who are fundamentally useless and buffer their position by adding more and more around them.
      We see in local government they are forming “Business Advisory Teams” or somesuch of that ilk. All government needs to do is get out of the way and business of every type will flourish, as it has for 1000’s of years, before communism came into vogue, riding on the back of the industrial revolutions.

      What happened to all the funny videos of Dan Xiao Ping that used to float around, people are unmotivated because the opposition Pesutto gang is such an abhorrent unrepresentative swill, if possible worse than Kennett.
      Does Victoria really get the politicians it deserves ?
      Everyone in Victoria must be worse than I thought.

  3. What will it be and why the long face horse

    “give me a Shanghai sling shaking and not stirred, just walked past the China shop and it was full of bull”

  4. Another Con-spiracy –

    Just-Think-It Fluoride: An Invisible Killer on Vimeo

    Just-Think-It Fluoride: An Invisible Killer Not Yet Rated 9 years ago Floyd Maxwell The issue of fluoridation from a Chemical Engineer’s perspective. My web site, Just-Think-It.com, has the article that this video is based on, at just-think-it.com/no-f.htm

    Fluoridation is a polarizing subject, like politics.
    Fluoride: An Invisible Killer
    http://www.just-think-it.com/no-f.htm
    by Floyd Maxwell, BASc
    Author, “International Anti-Fluoridation Database”
    http://www.just-think-it.com/the-f-db.htm

    “We would not purposely add arsenic to the water supply.
    And we would not purposely add lead. But we add fluoride.
    The fact is that fluoride is more toxic than lead and just
    slightly less toxic than arsenic.” Source:
    http://sightings.com/health/fluoride1.htm

    “The federal maximum contaminant level (MCL) for lead is 15
    parts per billion (ppb), 5 ppb for arsenic and 4000 ppb for
    fluoride.” Source: http://www.nofluoride.com/

    1952: The Delaney Committee 82nd Congress Hearings on
    Fluoride revealed that there was no actual scientific basis
    for the fluoridation of water supplies in the prevention of
    tooth decay. The recommendation of the Committee was that
    more research be done, before proceeding with this national
    mass medication. Their recommendation was totally ignored.
    Source:
    http://www.connect4free.net/home/geofjoan/chem_sen/halogen.html

    A common obstacle one runs into when trying to inform others
    of the dangers of a product is being told you are not an
    “expert”. This can, however, be used to one’s advantage if
    one happens to find an “expert” who verifies your own views
    on the benefits of natural versus chemical approaches to
    health.
    My background is that of a Chemical Engineer, having earned
    my B.A.Sc. from the University of British Columbia in 1984.
    When it comes to chemistry I can say that I am an “expert”
    in this area due to studying it full time for over 10 years.
    Luckily I also retained the ability to think for myself…

    Chemistry is built on basic principles. “Like dissolves
    like” means that salt (a polar molecule) dissolves in water
    (highly polar) but does not dissolve in oil (non polar).
    Another basic principle is that the reactivity of the halide
    group of elements is inversely proportional to the size of
    the atom — the smaller the halide, the more reactive it is.
    The Periodic Table:
    http://www.just-think-it.com/elements.gif
    The second-to-last column of the Periodic Table are the
    halides, and start with F (Fluorine), then Cl (Chlorine), Br
    (Bromine) and I (Iodine).
    This reactivity rule also holds true for molecules/compounds
    (composed of two or more atoms that may be the same element
    or different ones) provided that one atom remains the same
    and only the halide changes.
    Thus, we can infer that HF is more reactive than HCl. HCl
    (Hydro Chloric acid) was the strongest acid we used in
    school. But HF is so reactive, and so deadly that it was
    never seen or used in any of the 10 years of chemistry
    demonstrations and labs I took part in.

    How strong, and prevalent are fluorine-containing compounds?
    HF is one of the strongest acids in the world. Source:
    http://www.anu.edu.au/hr/ohs/alerts/hydrofac.html
    So strong it can etch glass. Source:
    http://www.calpoison.org/public/hydrofluoric.html
    (in fact, this is a common test for the presence of fluoride),
    http://www.fwkc.com/encyclopedia/low/articles/f/f008000815f.html
    making storage of this compound rather difficult!
    Not to mention the danger in handling it!
    http://www.worksafe.gov.au/publications/pamphlets/h/003755.htm
    http://www.osha-slc.gov/dts/hib/hib_data/hib19890523.html
    Searching for “hydrofluoric acid” on Google produced about
    12,000 web pages, evenly divided between typical chemical
    data sheets [with stringent handling procedures!] and health
    warning pages!
    Search URL was:
    http://www.google.com/search?q=hydrofluoric+acid&hl=en&safe=off&start=0&sa=N
    In fact, Fluorine is the most reactive of all the elements
    (elemental Fluoride is never found by itself in nature) and

    • I thought elemental fluoride did exist in very limited places and maybe this was just Waltons mountain propaganda.
      The halides(collateral damage) and the disposal of, were more of a concern for The Manhattan Projects architects than radiation, believe it or not – wink

      • Thank you, Simon and Crisscross for the Fluoride. And speaking of the Manhattan project, if you’ve got kids with potential to love science, get them a used copy of Oliphant, by Stewart Cockburn. Boy’s life in Adelaide and Los Alamos type thing.

  10. The biggest danger our world faces is a core group of demonic in high places. They have enforced the beast system in tribulation, destroying our minds with bs, poisoning with vaxxxines, spraying us with chemtrails and enslaving most with the digital ID mark within.

    What we are seeing now is an open air prison system as in China, where there is no cash and people are forced into the social credit points system that steals money from accounts for not being a good lamb already fleeced to the bone. The system monitors every move and transaction and docks accordingly.

    A krown kabal CCP production is the beast system of social credit, digitised currency and constant surveillance by artificial insanity. Our masters have decided, it’s easier to rule over mongrels blended cause they don’t comprehend their enslavement.
    Tragically, most have been trained not to think but believe media and academia lies.
    The oligarchs have enforced a global lockstep war of disinformation on we the people, to complete the final stages of their brave new world techno-tyranny disorder. Agenda is control by psychopaths on all bases loaded. London Shanghai Sydney, same stench everywhere.

  11. Why are Australians struggling to survive?

    PROTOCOL No. 6

    WE SHALL ENSLAVE GENTILES

    At the same time we must intensively patronize trade and industry, but, first and foremost, speculation, the part played by which is to provide a counterpoise to industry: the absence of speculative industry will multiply capital in private hands and will serve to restore agriculture by freeing the land from indebtedness to the land banks. What we want is that industry should drain off from the land both labor and capital and by means of speculation transfer into our hands all the money of the world, and thereby throw all the GOYIM into the ranks of the proletariat. Then the GOYIM will bow down before us, if for no other reason but to get the right to exist.
    To complete the ruin of the industry of the GOYIM we shall bring to the assistance of speculation the luxury which we have developed among the GOYIM, that greedy demand for luxury which is swallowing up everything. WE SHALL RAISE THE RATE OF WAGES WHICH, HOWEVER, WILL NOT BRING ANY ADVANTAGE TO THE WORKERS, FOR, AT THE SAME TIME, WE SHALL PRODUCE A RISE IN PRICES OF THE FIRST NECESSARIES OF LIFE, ALLEGING THAT IT ARISES FROM THE DECLINE OF AGRICULTURE AND CATTLE-BREEDING: WE SHALL FURTHER UNDERMINE ARTFULLY AND DEEPLY SOURCES OF PRODUCTION, BY ACCUSTOMING THE WORKERS TO ANARCHY AND TO DRUNKENNESS AND SIDE BY SIDE THEREWITH TAKING ALL MEASURE TO EXTIRPATE FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH ALL THE EDUCATED FORCES OF THE “GOYIM.”
    IN ORDER THAT THE TRUE MEANING OF THINGS MAY NOT STRIKE THE “GOYIM” BEFORE THE PROPER TIME WE SHALL MASK IT UNDER AN ALLEGED ARDENT DESIRE TO SERVE THE WORKING CLASSES AND THE GREAT PRINCIPLES OF POLITICAL ECONOMY ABOUT WHICH OUR ECONOMIC THEORIES ARE CARRYING ON AN ENERGETIC PROPAGANDA.

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