Home News Premier Andrews’ Shock Announcement at Melbourne Press Conference (Satire)

Premier Andrews’ Shock Announcement at Melbourne Press Conference (Satire)

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Dan Andrews lookalike Robin Williams from the movie “Mrs Doubtfire”. (thanks to 20th Century)

By The Mocking Bird (copyright, 2022)

The Victorian Premier, formerly known as Dan Andrews, stunned the press gallery yesterday by announcing he had recently “transitioned”.

“I’ve also changed my name to Daniella,” said Ms Andrews, fetchingly attired in an extravagant Donatella Versace dress with charcoal stockings.

The premier then launched into a rousing rendition of Helen Reddy’s feminist anthem “I am Woman”.

After the rapturous applause from the gallery died down – with one reporter yelling out, “Bravo! You should release that as a single!” – the very talented and chicly coiffured premier explained his, I mean her, surprise decision.

“I decided it was time for me to come out and demonstrate my solidarity with the fabulous woke transgender agenda,” said Ms Andrews.

Daniela said she expected there would be “some snide and nasty comments” over her transition.

“But I stand by the principle of ‘My body, my choice”,” said Ms Andrews.

“Except for the unvaxxed, of course,” she added.

The premier said she was proud that Victoria under her “progressive leadership” was the most “transition-friendly” state in Australia for teenagers.

“Of course, it’s well-known that young teens have the maturity to make life-changing decisions about a medical treatment that may irreversibly alter their biology, even if their parents object,” said Ms Andrews.

“So to clarify Premier,” asked a reporter from the gallery. “By irreversible medical treatment, you’re talking about young teens having the right to choose hormone blockers and sex change surgery?”

“No, I’m talking about the covid vaccines, actually,” said Ms Andrews.

“But now you mention it,” continued the premier, “The same applies to transitioning. I mean what’s the dif?”

“So my message to teens is, don’t listen to your silly parents, listen to me Daniella, just regard me as your Big Sister, just like you regard Brett Sutton as Big Brother.”

Ms Andrews said another advantage of being Daniella and not Dan anymore, was she was able to distance herself from some of Dan’s more draconian policies, such as the lockdowns, mandatory masks and Gestapo-like policing that many Victorians had become fed up with.

“After all, you can’t blame me for that – that was all dastardly Dan’s doing!” said Ms Andrews.

“Those deplorable measures I now utterly disdain, especially as the polls tell me they’re no longer electorally popular.”

“That’s why, as Daniella, I have lifted most of the mandates that Dictator Dan imposed.”

“And Boy! – I mean, Girl! – am I glad Dan’s gone for good, the disgusting little grub!”

Ms Andrews explained she first developed the desire to transition after her fourth covid vax jab.

“I felt this strange tingling in my testicles,” said Daniella.

“I asked a doc and he said don’t worry, that’s completely normal after the shot, that’s just the millions of lipid nanoparticles building up there, they won’t do any harm… probably.”

“But the really odd thing was, I then started having menstrual bleeding, and having to wear tampons, which was kind of odd as I didn’t have a uterus.”

“But the doc again assured me this was also ‘completely normal’ after the shot,” said Ms Andrews. “Or it’s ‘The New Normal’ anyway.”

“And then I felt a strange urge to dress up as Dolly Parton, slip out from my house late at night and perform as a drag queen at nightclubs, which did give me a weird illicit thrill- and dare I say, my version of Abba’s ‘Dancing Queen” always brought the house down.”

“The doc said this was also completely normal, as he too had developed a crush on Dolly after the jab, though in his case he was overcome by a compelling urge to sing ‘Mama Mia’.”

“But then one day, I woke up to find to my horror” said Daniella, “that my testicles had shrunk to the size of peas!”

“Oooh, well um that is a little bit unusual, said the doc, and my guess would be the vax is having that rare side-effect called gender bending -but as you’re halfway there, have you thought of transitioning?”

“And so I happily took the doc’s advice,” said the premier, “and here I am, a completely new man! Um, I mean, woman!”

At this point Rebel News reporter Avi Yemeni, who had somehow managed to gate-crash the conference, butted in with a question sadly typical of his right-wing extremist ilk.

“Premier, can you provide any medical proof that you have actually transitioned, and that you’re not doing a Mrs Doubtfire impersonation, and a bad one at that?”

“I mean, isn’t this just a ridiculous political stunt to woo votes from the woke Left, and disrespectful to those with gender dysphoria…”

But before he could finish, Avi was suddenly pepper sprayed by a vigilant Vicpol officer, grappled to the ground, and dragged away into a nearby police van – to the rapturous applause of the press gallery, and Daniella of course.

Author’s disclaimer: To avoid any misunderstanding, I apologise if portraying Dan Andrews as a transexual has caused offence to anyone in the trans community –  I do realise they might be deeply insulted at the thought that Dan might ever become a member.

 I certainly respect the medical choices trans people have made, and hope they realise they are not the target of my satire.

I would urge them to read the following two articles on this issue, and to please save any rotten tomatoes they may have for the pollies who deserve them – metaphorically speaking of course.

Distraught parents in Victoria, Australia now face prosecution if they don’t accept gender transition of their vulnerable kids – as experts slam radical new law based on ‘ideology and falsehood’ — Society’s Child — Sott.net

How the Public is Kept Ignorant and Fearful in the Transgender Debate (substack.com)

 

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47 COMMENTS

  1. Fauci’s going to do it, too, to avoid the Death Penalty.

    Bill Gates already did it in childhood, I think. I mean his parents did it to her.

  5. lets do this and move on,

    is Jacinda Ardern really Jack Arden, Mrs Obama really Micheal, Sandra Bullock.

    Up front disclosure, finds a fig as well as guiding light here.
    On her shoulders we fly here.
    Privacy is everything, deception is not anything

    • I’ve always had tremendous respect for that woman. Not some pink/green haired nose-pierced ‘progressive’ gender confused idiot from the West.

      I especially noticed her comments of – “in Syria, we believe in honoring our word” and later “our word is our honor”. Compare that to the dishonorable, deceitful movers and shakers or Western society.

          • Another telling discussion panel here featuring and posted by Professor Paul Robinson …

            Paul Robinson – Testimony in Canada – IRRUSSIANALITY

            Paul: “I gave evidence to the Canadian House of Commons Subcommittee on International rights on the topic of Russia/Ukraine.

            https://irrussianality.wordpress.com/2022/05/16/evidence-to-parliament/

            The linked video:

            https://parlvu.parl.gc.ca/Harmony/en/PowerBrowser/PowerBrowserV2/20220503/-1/36989?Language=English&Stream=Video

            Introduction:

            “We have four witnesses on this panel. We have Chile Eboe-Osuji, professor at the Lincoln Alexander school of law at Ryerson University and at the University of Windsor. We also have, in person, Paul Robinson, a professor at the University of Ottawa. Appearing virtually is James K. Stewart, retired deputy prosecutor of the International Criminal Court. Finally, we have, in person, Eugene Czolij, NGO Ukraine-2050 president and honorary consul of Ukraine in Montreal.”

            This is rather long but a linked transcript is also available.

            The general observation is that the three panelists other than Paul are all very highly positioned and ‘credentialed’. They speak as if they are highly erudite and sophisticated but then they show their true colours, especially near the end when they go on a tirade and shut Professor Robinson down.

            What a lot of utter word salad (especially from Chile Eboe-Osuji) – and apologies to anyone who chooses to sit through it. At different stages the main panelists and various questioners bring up all the usual canards including the “Xinjiang Genocide” (China’s new ‘holocaust’).

            One of them, James K. Stewart goes on about Milosovic and compares him to President Bashar al Assad and at one point threateningly states “We still don’t have him” – indicating that they still intent to ‘hold Bashar as-Assad ‘accountable’, just like Gaddafi and Saddam Hussein. Can you imagine if these people actually got their hands on Bashar and Asma al-Assad and put them on ‘trial’? – there would be no winning the case against their word salad and we would have another Nuremberg travesty and ritualist slaughter of innocents, no doubt. ‘History’ will have been ‘written’, yet again.

            To shut Professor Paul Robinson down the one named Eugene Czolij goes on a psychotic tirade with a typical “Shame on You! – Shame on You!!“ and they then refuse to give Paul the right of reply.

    • Thank you Crisscross. As you already know, Syria was my ‘awakening’, thanks to people like Eva K Bartlett and Vanessa Beeley. I thought I would listen to interviews with Asma and Bashar as you have just shared and decide for myself whether they are the ‘demons’ they are made out to be.

      Although I have posted these before, here is a small collection on First Lady Asma al-Assad

      • Syria First Lady Asma Assad Reception for Top Marks Students and their Families in Damascus

      featured here
      https://syrianews.cc/first-lady-asmaa-assad-receives-top-marks-students-and-their-families/

      It was Eva K Bartlett who sparked my awakening in around 2015.
      • Eva K Bartlett – ‘In Gaza’
      https://ingaza.wordpress.com/syria/syria-my-published-articles-from-and-on-syria-2014-2021

      Here is another talk by Asma that first got me questioning what was being said in the now irrelevant ‘legacy’ press.

      • Asma Al-Assad during the reception made to the participants in ” Woman For Peace ” Bicycle Ride

      and these from my compilation:

      • I love Asma Al Assad

      First Lady Asma al Assad was diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2018

      • Our prayers are with you, Mrs Asma Assad

      This was Asma’s first major interview after treatment and being cleared of the cancer – it is in Arabic so I would go full screen and read the subtitles. You won’t be disappointed. Talk about stoicism, morality and gratitude – Asma al Assad is the essence of grace and dignity

      • Asma al Assad tells of her struggle against cancer

    • And speaking of sanctions – and Eva K Bartlett – and Gaza

      featured here

      https://piazzadcara.wordpress.com/2022/08/26/the-canary-mission-israels-tool-to-vilify-palestine-defenders/

      Meanwhile, Israel bombs Syria at least weekly, as does their military puppet the USA who continue to steal the bulk of Syria’s oil as well as either steal or destroy their wheat crop, while collaborator Erdogan continues to occupy swathes of territory in north-western territory with ?over a hundred military bases.

      And this (Syria) was supposed to be about some desert dwelling ‘moderate rebels’ who had supposedly also carried out 911, driving around in modified Toyota utes.

      Incidentally, on Erdogan:

      • Erdogan Asks Russia to Return the Crimean Peninsula to Ukraine: Who Does Turkey Support?

      https://uprootedpalestinians.wordpress.com/2022/08/27/erdogan-asks-russia-to-return-the-crimean-peninsula-to-ukraine-who-does-turkey-support

      • Turkish crypto jew President Erdogan destroying Europe

        Author Ergun Poyraz, a Turkish wrote a bestselling book, The Children of Moses which is why he was 08/05/2013 sentenced to 29 years in prison for espionage against the Turkish government and he was later murdered 22 April, 2016. Ergun Poyraz reveals in his book The Children of Moses, that the current Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan is a crypto jew.
         
        – Poyraz tells how President Erdogan came to power in Turkey with the help of Zionists which are behind the so-called JİTEM Turkey, a Secret Turkish intelligence service. JİTEM are believed to be behind many bombings, terrorism and other illegal practices. It is also understood to have close links with Ergenek, which is part of the US CIA Operation Gladio.

        Read 0n –

        https://blogit.mvlehti.net/eurostokolhoosi/2016/07/17/turkish-crypto-jew-president-erdogan-destroying-eu

    • The sheer humanity of Asma al-Assad as both a mother and first lady of her citizens reminds me of the Romanov family, Nicholas, Alexandra, their four daughters Olga, Tatiana, Maria and Anastasia (OTMA) and son Alexei.

      Here is what Olga sent and dedicated to her mother Alexandra, dated 23 April 1917.

      “For suffering of others, you are full of anguish,

      And no one’s grief bypasses you.

      Only to yourself are you relentless

      Always merciless and forever cold!

      But if your loving soul could see

      Just once with someone else’s eyes your sorrow –

      Oh, how you would pity you.

      And how you would weep so sadly for yourself.”

      To my beloved Mama (23 April, 1917)

      The poem is by Aleksei Konstantinovich Tolstoy, penned in 1859. Grand Duchess Olga copied it down and dedicated it to her mother, Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, on 23 April, 1917.

      What a beautiful observation of someone (her own mother) who stoically suffered daily with her own ailments and worries, yet only gave her thoughts and time in service for the suffering of others.

      Both mother and daughter were to be sadistically and ritualistically murdered just over a year later.

  8. How come bitchute’s gone down the gurgler?

    Dr Poornima Wagh: What’s In The ClotShot How It Will Kill People
    No wonder those in so-called “truth movement” and “health freedom” have been trying to stab her back! Because, unlike them, she, Dr Poornima Wagh, has NO HIDDEN AGENDA except scientific facts.

    BITCHUTE has banned “thetaoofanarchy” from comment section! And it has blocked some recent videos!

    Watch this original interview at Rumble

    https://rumble.com/v1h9piz-the-jab-its-poison-and-will-kill-you.html

  11. More Billions to Ukraine as America Falls Apart

    Ron Paul

    http://www.ronpaulinstitute.org/archives/featured-articles/2022/august/22/more-billions-to-ukraine-as-america-falls-apart/

    … The video of American cities is shocking: endless landscapes of filth, trash, homelessness, open fires on the street, drug-addicted zombies. It doesn’t look like the America most of us remember. Watching Biden bragging about sending billions of dollars to corrupt leaders overseas with American cities looking like bombed-out Iraq or Libya is US foreign policy in a nutshell. The Washington elites tell the rest of America that they must “promote democracy” in some far-off land. Anyone who objects is considered in league with the appointed enemy of the day. Once it was Saddam, then Assad and Gaddafi. Now it’s Putin. The game is the same, only the names are changed … As Washington salivates over fighting Russia in Ukraine, the rest of America feels like we’re becoming Zimbabwe.

    • I remember reading an old bood called “Diary of a Tramp”, if I recall correctly, the guy was a hobo during the pre-ww2 depression and once the war started he got a job and tidied himself up. These days one has to wonder if it was authentic or written as a motivational piece, but it did seem first-hand and authentic to me at the time I read it.

  12. Global Holocaust-Deniers Bill Passed In Knesset

    The Jerusalem Post (Israel)

    http://www.fpp.co.uk/online/04/07/Israel_Holocaust_denial.html

    Legislation that would make Holocaust-denial committed overseas an offense under Israeli legal jurisdiction was approved unanimously in first reading by the Knesset on Tuesday [July 20, 2004]. The passage of the measure would enable Israel to demand the extradition of Holocaust-deniers for prosecution. The bill was drafted by MK Aryeh Eldad (National Union) as a move against former Palestinian Authority prime minister Mahmoud Abbas (Abu Mazen) for his doctoral dissertation 20 years ago in which he estimated that the Nazis killed less than a million Jews … The legislation expands the territorial jurisdiction of the Israeli law against Holocaust-denying outside of its borders.

    • I asked the muslim at the local muslim promotion shop-front, why did they accept the blame for 9-11 and all I got was shrugs and smiles.
      In Thailand people don’t say bad things except in whispers.
      I wonder if commenter Ju*fish will be extradited and put on trial in the land of Zion. The Catholics don’t seem to have crackdowns anymore but theirs used to be very harsh. Even in local politics, free speech is hazardous.
      I quite liked this lady’s summary of everything (6 min)
      https://newtube.app/user/Fredyatelmstreet13/IghAoy9

      • Virtually everything on earth is owned by one single corporation. The entities behind this corporation have a master plan to submit humanity to unprecedented control. Experts from the World Health Organization, United Nations, British Secret Services, the US & UK Military, the CDC and Pfizer & Governmental Health Agencies reveal a criminal agenda to implement worldwide tyranny, under the guise of pandemics. You must have the Token on display to be ready and immune. Full story:

        https://stopworldcontrol.com/

        • The guy on stop world control is ok but we all know that material by now, whereas the lady I posted above has something new and it is derived directly from World Economic Forum website

  15. Donald Trump: US left troops in Syria ‘only for the oil’
    53,593 views Nov 14, 2019

    Donald Trump has insisted the US military presence in Syria is ‘only for the oil’, contradicting his officials who have maintained that the remaining forces were there to fight Isis. Trump made his remarks while hosting Recep Tayyip Erdogan, just over a month after the Turkish president launched an offensive into north-eastern Syria

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/live/2019/nov/13/trump-news-today-live-impeachment-hearings-bill-taylor-george-kent-ukraine-democrats-latest-updates

  16. Thank you xx for Asma al -Assad interview.

    Kevin Annett – A Candid Interview On The Crime of Genocide in Canada
    17,998 views Sep 2, 2019 Kevin Annett – film maker and author of more than ten books – is the Canadian whistle blower who first exposed genocide by Church and State in his country’s “Indian residential schools”. His 2006 film UNREPENTANT about specific examples as told by indigenous Canadians was **Winner: Best International Documentary at the 2006 Los Angeles Independent Film Festival.

    http://murderbydecree.com/2022/08/26/breaking-news-august-26-financial-crisis-hits-the-vatican-assets-to-be-buried-after-papal-admission-of-genocide/#page-content

  17. Thanks Dee you truly hold the layers of the (and “their)” Big Picture. Once you see it you can’t unsee it. You have a brilliant “expansive” mind.

    bolt at HIS best

    Narcissistic, woke’: Meghan Markle’s podcast slammed with ‘one star’ ratings
    865,085 views Aug 24, 2022 Meghan Markle’s new podcast proves she has a “monstrous sense of self-entitlement” and is “craving victimhood,” says Sky News host Andrew Bolt.

    Meghan Markle has released her debut Spotify series, Archetypes, which features her “dear, dear friend” Serena Williams as the first guest.

    Mr Bolt said that “tragically for Markle” the new podcast “really does show the real her”.

    “To various critics who’ve actually listened to it, (the podcast) rates just one star,” he said.

    “And around the world, millions of the narcissistic woke who are her fans cry with her.”

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