Senator Bigb Rother said in Canberra yesterday that Abbott’s proposals of collecting and storing 2 years of every Australian’s metadata is just NOT going far enough. “Terrorists and government dissidents will just resort to paper and postage” he said. “And to keep us safe, we need to collect and store everyone’s garbage for 2 years too”. 
Above: A secure dump site.
Abbott said that he is only interested in the ‘envelope’, but Senator Rother claims “We need to know what’s in that envelope. By storing garbage – this will provide a paper trail and the advance warning plans of terrorists (and criminals) if their notebooks and letters are intercepted”, he said.
When questioned how this would function, the Senator said that there would be an additional cost of $600 billion each year (to individuals). The Councils would still collect your garbage, but under ASIO supervision, and with armed guards. The garbage would then be taken to special secure dump sites, that would be monitored and secure (like your metadata).
When asked how specific garbage or paper would be selected and found (as evidence), Senator Rother said they would issue 457 visas to specialist Filipino and Indian garbage dwellers. “They are experts at garbage sorting. That is how these ‘dump dwellers’ make a living back home, and, anyway, no Australian would want to fill that job”. But we are also considering outsourcing this to the ‘work-for-the-dole’ program too.
Guards securing your rubbish.
”What you are viewing on the internet is what we are interested in”, he said. “There is no difference in the collection of metadata and garbage. They both invade privacy, and they both inform the government of what individuals are up to. We need to assist counter-terrorism agencies to combat the growing dissident threat”.
Asked about the public’s concern for government’s overreach in this matter, Senator Rother claims, “The average citizen should understand that we, the government, are there to protect them. If we can monitor every aspect of society and the individual, we can then assure the people that they are being kept safe”.
When asked, safe from what? Senator Rother said simply, “Safe from democracy”.
[…] And all this to keep us safe? No, it is about control. But look on the bright side: We might put tens of thousands of Australian to work sifting through the megatons of metadata garbage. (see garbage satirical post) […]