Home Satire Pontius Pilate My Hero, Says Scott Morrison

Pontius Pilate My Hero, Says Scott Morrison

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By Kim Skeltys (copyright 2021)

With Christmas just past, Gumshoe News asked Scott Morrison, Greg Hunt, Dan Andrews and Brett Sutton to name their favourite person in the Bible – after Jesus Christ, of course! And here’s who they nominated:

Prime Minister Scott Morrison

Scott Morrison: My hero from the Bible – after Jesus of course! – would have to be Pontius Pilate.

Gumshoe News: Some would say that’s an unconventional choice Prime Minister, especially for a Christian as yourself?

Scott Morrison: Hey it’s true he gets a bad rap, but Pilate, who of course was the Roman governor of Judea at the time of Jesus, has been a great inspiration to me.

When the mob were baying for Jesus’ blood, Pilate cleverly washed his hands of the matter, and let the Jews take the blame for Jesus’ crucifixion.

So Pilate got off “Scott free” – if I may be excused a little prime ministerial pun heh heh heh!

So he really has become a sort of role model for me…

Gumshoe News: In what sense?

Scott Morrison: Well Pilate did have the power to save Jesus, just as I have the power to overturn the covid vax mandates by the states.

But of course Pilate probably knew it would be politically awkward to appear as though he was on Jesus side- just as I certainly don’t want to be seen as on the side of the anti-vaxxers, God forbid!

Gumshoe News: But you have said you are against most of the vax mandates?

Scott Morrison: Absolutely!

Gumshoe News: But like Pontius, you’re going to do bugger all about it?

Scott Morrison: Of course! But hey you can’t blame me if the state leaders force the mandates on their citizens and crucify the anti-vaxxers, and then cop the wrath of the underclass they’ve created….

Gumshoe News: So like Pilate you’re washing your hands of the matter.

Scott Morrison: No I’m washing my hands because of covid, silly. You can’t be too careful these days! Actually, I wash my hands 10 times a day now, but I can’t seem to remove these damned red spots that have appeared all over them…

Gumshoe News: But doesn’t that sound a bit like Macbeth washing his hands feverishly to try and rid himself of the guilt of murder?

Scott Morrison: That’s from Shakespeare, right? Sorry I never read him at uni, I was too busy studying Machiavelli instead -far more useful for a career in politics…

Health Minister Greg Hunt

Greg Hunt:  My favourite person in the Bible? A good question! And I would have to say it’s Judas Iscariot, even though he does get a bad rap.

Gumshoe News: Now that’s an unusual choice! Why Judas?

Greg Hunt: Well of course Judas handed Jesus over to the Romans for 30 pieces of silver, and while some say he betrayed Jesus, I prefer to view Judas as a shrewd businessman who was ahead of his time in understanding the ethics of capitalism.

Gumshoe News: Ethics? What ethics?

Greg Hunt: Exactly!

Gumshoe News: But Mr Hunt, some say that like Judas, the government has handed over Australia to the vaccine industry in return for donations from Big Pharma.

Greg Hunt: That’s a scurrilous slur which I utterly reject! Who says that?

Gumshoe News: Well, Professor Nikolai Petrovsky…

Greg Hunt: Petrovsky?  Wasn’t he that cad of a Russian diplomat in Canberra who actually turned out to be a KGB spy?  Wouldn’t trust a commie like Petrovsky as far as I could kick him!

Gumshoe News: No Minister, that was actually Vladimir Petrov back in the 50s.

Greg Hunt: Oh yes, that’s right – my memory has been a bit foggy ever since I got that covid shot..

Gumshoe News: Petrovsky is an immunologist who has developed Covax, Australia’s only covid vaccine which has passed stage 3 clinical trials, but he can’t get it approved here, and he says your department has ignored it.

And he also claims some Liberal Party whistle-blowers have told him it’s because Big Pharma, whose vaccines were approved, have donated millions to Liberal Party associated lobbyists – but Petrovsky refuses to.

Greg Hunt: Well, I obviously can’t be blamed if the professor doesn’t understand how the business world works ….

Victorian Premier Dan Andrews

Dan Andrews: My favourite person in the Bible would have to be the Emperor Nero, though I know he’s gotten a bad rap!

Gumshoe News: But isn’t Nero a controversial choice, given he was a ruthless dictator?

Dan Andrews: Sure as Roman emperor, Nero blamed the Christians for the great fire that burnt half of Rome to the ground, and made them into history’s first political scapegoats.

But I also credit him for giving me the brilliant idea of blaming the spread of the virus on the unvaxxed!

Of course, I can’t go as far as Nero did, crucifying them or feeding them to the lions – I leave that to the mainstream media.

And not wishing to sound a tad narcissistic, but I do kind of see myself as a Nero figure, and at one point I did ask the Labor Party to crown me emperor while I was dressed in imperial robes, with the fawning party faithful kneeling before me and chanting “Hail Caesar!”

Gumshoe News:  It would have made a great photo opportunity!

Dan Andrews: Yes! But that bloody Adem Somyurek vetoed it!

Hmmm, I wonder if I Melbourne Zoo might lend me one of their lions …

Victorian Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton

Brett Sutton: I’d say my favourite person in the Bible would have to be Satan, though I know…

Gumshoe News: He does get a bad rap?

Brett Sutton: That’s right! How did you know I was going to say that?

Gumshoe News: Just a lucky guess I suppose …

Brett Sutton: You know, I’ve always felt a bit sorry for Satan!

People have blamed the Prince of Darkness for all the misery and destruction in the world, claiming he’s behind the lockdowns that have destroyed people’s lives and massively increased world poverty, the ridiculing and suppression of treatments like ivermectin, which docs like Professor Thomas Borody and Pierre Kory say could have saved thousands of lives, and the mandates for the covid vaccines with side effects that have caused mass injury and death…

I just can’t understand why people are so ungrateful, despite all he’s done for them!

But I’ve always been a great fan of the Rolling Stones song “Sympathy for the Devil” – you know the lyrics:

Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of wealth and taste
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man’s soul and faith

I was ’round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what’s puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

It’s all about Satan of course.

But in my latest incarnation this time round, I decided a slight change to my surname would be wise – to Sutton.

To make it a little less obvious …..

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44 COMMENTS

    • The sheeple are so pre-conditioned, you have to put this down to natural selection I guess. History has various mass-psychosis episodes over and over again.
      As he says, he told the coroner’s office he was seeing more blood clots in the last year than in the 14 years previous and the coroner was not interested. The key offices of power are ALL OCCUPIED, by traitors and corrupt, hell bent on removing useless eaters.

      • The words “sheeple” & “preconditioning” belie the key element, i. e. choice
        Why insult an innocent herd animal?
        Or hang the onus of a personal decision on the wrong peg?

  1. Very good – very insightful

    I stuck around St. Petersburg
    When I saw it was a time for a change
    Killed the czar and his ministers
    Anastasia screamed in vain

    […]

    But what's puzzling you
    Is the nature of my game,

    Mick Jagger revealed that “Sympathy for the Devil” was inspired by Mikhail Bulgakov’s “The Master and Margarita”.

    Go get it … I like the pictures in this version – automatic PDF download

    https://www.paskvil.com/file/files-books/bulgakov-master-and-margarita.pdf

    You will need a study guide …

    https://www.masterandmargarita.eu/en/02themas/aantekeningen.html

  2. Damn, another censorship of a video. These guys are talking about food availability and economic collapse (we’ve covered this many times). How about $8.99 for a baked potato?

    Remove the XXXX from the link.

    https://www.bitXXXXchute.com/video/xE1kCNjCPPWF/

    I’ve got heaps of potatoes in my raised gardens, more than me and the neighbors can eat over the next year.

    • It’s a good advertisement for bitcoin (in the US) which is relatively stable at somewhere vaguely around $50k, it’s banned in Australia thanks to our low-strength constitution. Bitcoin was bought into in 2021 by a lot of Wall St bankers who previously disparaged it. What are they up to now ???

  3. Ha ha ha! Top marks, Kim. If I knew how I’d give you a gold star AND an elephant sticker.

    Funny enough, as I was reading my mind suddenly diverted to some Dickens characters from “Great Expectations”. The lawyer Jaegers (or Jaggers?) who was always obsessively washing his hands with scented soap. Perhaps Jaggers could be a collective noun for Attorneys General? And perhaps his assistant the “umble” Uriah Heep could be the collective noun for members of Parliament?

      • Jagger is Northern English surname, originating in Yorkshire. In England someone who owned and/or managed a team of packhorses was known as a “jagger”, so this English surname probably originates from that occupation.

  4. I stand in pause where I shall first begin,
    And both neglect. What if this cursed hand
    Were thicker than itself with brother’s blood,
    Is there not rain enough in the sweet heavens
    To wash it white as snow? Whereto serves mercy
    But to confront the visage of offence?

  5. How long now has it been since the start of “the scamdemic”? All you can do is churn out more gloom! Every day I receive, from you, gloom, gloom, gloom. The ever-increasing problem with alt media, alt views especially, is NO solutions. No suggestions of solutions, just more and more gloom. Like a school yard bully.
    Grow up!
    Julius Skoolafish quotes a Rolling Stone song = WTF; a group of hedonists totally dependent on adrenochrome!

    • The publisher is making huge personal efforts, the objective of the Alt-Media is to get people to question what’s happening and to discredit the well-funded and well-organised MSM. I appreciate the publisher’s efforts a lot and approve of everything. The Alt-Media is well behind on the information war but catching up. If you want to instantly feel like a winner you’d better sign on with Globalists. But I agree with you, the fish does post quite a lot of rubbish.

      • Simple solution #1, go to your nearest ALP member’s office and tell the staff:

        “At the start of the scamdemic HCQ and then IVM were banned by the TGA run by John Scary Skerritt. These medications have been proven safe and effective for 50 years. This demonstrates beyond any shadow of a doubt that John Scary Skerritt is corrupt. The health minister Grek Hunt should have at that point sacked him but didn’t. This shows that Grek Hunt is corrupt. The ALP’s job is therefore to remove Grek Hunt, undo what he has done and preferably have him locked up. But wait, Grek Hunt has already resigned and is making his escape. Is the ALP really going to let him get away with it ???”

        Get people you know to visit their local member and insist that it’s the ALP’s job, under the duopoly system, to get Grek Hunt locked up. Do what you can at the grass roots level and don’t give up. GREK HUNT MUST BE LOCKED UP.

  6. “gloom, gloom, gloom”:

    “Myrrh is mine: Its bitter perfume
    Breaths a life of gathering gloom.
    Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding dying,
    Sealed in the stone-cold tomb.

    O star of wonder, star of night,
    Star with royal beauty bright,
    Westward leading, still proceeding,
    Guide us to thy perfect Light.”

    • TMTG = Trump Media Tech Group is doing a new Twitter which sounds like it will be coming after Biden’s first year and “state of the union” speech.
      Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, CNN, Netflix, Disney, Amazon Web Services etc it’s war on the fake news, they all have to be taken down
      Stripe Payment Processing who won’t pay people after they were demonetised.
      This is the fightback to protect the 1st amendment. Anyone else doing anything ?

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